What makes us into the adults we
are today? What if you had to endure a traumatic event at an early age?
Everyone understands as a general rule that everything we go through makes us
into the person we are today. What happens to them psychologically and
emotionally to have to watch your best friend die of cancer at the young age of
8? Or to endure the loss of your parents suddenly when you’re a teenager? Does
it affect us when you watch your parents go through an abusive relationship
that ends in divorce? These are questions I wonder about, ironically after losing
my own father to cancer at the age of 16 and how it affected me. To watching my
daughter, Ashlie, and her best friend lose their best friend, Nora, to cancer a
little over a year ago when she was 9 and they were only 8, I wonder if because
they are young and lack empathy that it won't affect them as much later on in
life. Or if the true effects of what happened won't appear for years to come? I
question that if maybe you witness an abusive relationship as a child are you
more of less likely to repeat the same destructive behavior over again like
your parents themselves did? Or if losing both your parents suddenly, you guard
yourself from love later on in life and become more career driven because of it
as an adult?
I bet there are degrees of trauma and there must be an age factor as well. For instance, the loss of a parent or sibling would have a life long effect regardless of your age at the time. There are constant reminders all around you of the loss. Losing a childhood friend at 4 or 5 would be something you recall only because of others telling you of the event.
ReplyDeleteI worry a great deal about my daughter who is now nearing 14. Her father and I have been divorced 6 years now. He was abusive. How much did she witness and retain subconsciously? How did it effect her personality? Her view of the world? Also he has since lost the ability to see her even with a therapist present. How does the continued influence compound the damage? Family law in this state always gives him a path back. He will be allowed to go to therapy and therapists will continue to require my daughter to attend sessions and try out visits with them together until she is 18.
I think you're on the right track with your research goals. I would love to hear more about what you find. Most of all, how can we adults soften the blows?
Absolutely these situations form who we are even subconsciously. In my family I have a cousin with no father figure so she has always gravitated to her Uncles for their attention. As a young teenager she was also desperate for male attention and stayed in an abusive relationship, while in high school! She was so afraid of losing that male attention that she wouldn't leave. So this is a very interesting topic. I wonder though if there'd be any published data that would minimize the affects of trauma on youth, it seems obvious that the affects would be drastic.
ReplyDeleteThat must have been difficult watching your daughter lose a friend. How has your daughter's behavior changed over a year and does she still talk about Nora? I believe children's minds aren't entirely as subject to shock as the adult, but of course they absorb experiences in their upbringing that shape their personalities. The death of close friends and family will always affect us but it is an inevitability that time heals, even for young kids and adolescents. However this depends a lot on how the cognitive development of the child. My mother is a psychotherapist and regularly sees young adults still reflecting a childhood death. If the environment of the adolescent does not motivate growth beyond the trauma, they can more or less get 'stuck' at that stage in their development. Older clients often reflect the personalities they maintained in their youth.
ReplyDeleteThe potential that a youth can be cognitively delayed is even more drastic in situations where sexual abuse or domestic violence is within the family. The child has nowhere to go and some struggle to overcome that stage in their life.
Children are tough little things and I believe mental stability can always be repaired for those who suffered trauma. In response to Justin in the previous response, a re-emerging technology called Neurofeedback has shown to motivate healing in adolescents. It uses milliamp currents to monitor the brain which is extensively useful when the child begins to express traumatic topics. This might be an interesting research standpoint for your blog topic.